Butterfly's Letter to Birth Mom

I picked up Butterfly from school last night, and we went over to my mom's house to wish her Good Luck before her surgery. (She had it this morning and is doing fine.) We then ran to Hallmark for Get Well Soon cards and a little gift, and Butterfly picked out a pink balloon for part of her "surprise."

When we got home, I told her that we were going to write a letter to Birth Mom, if she wanted to. She was very interested in doing so, and in the interest of time, she dictated while I wrote the letter. I didn't prod her to write anything, these are her words exactly:

Dear Birth Mom,
I am feeling mad because you hurt me when I was a baby. I don't like you because you are getting in my way of trying to be a normal kid. Why did you not take care of me when I was a baby?

How are you doing? Did you have another baby? I have a new mom now. I still like you but you have to change your ways.

I am in the new regular second grade. I love all of my M******, M******, K***** and M***** families.*

I feel sad because I loved you so.

Love your birth daughter,

Butterfly

She asked if she could sign her name in cursive and I said yes, it is her letter. Then she asked if she could write XO underneath, and I answered the same. She started with one row of XOXO's then couldn't quite stop herself. She made five rows of XO's. Then she drew a heart and picture of birth mom holding her as a baby and saying "I will name you, 'Butterfly.'" It was a short letter, but she seemed really uncertain of saying much more, so I told her if she wanted to write a letter another time, we could defintely do so.

Then we took the balloon and some sharpies, and wrote all of her feelings about birth mom on the balloon. We wrote the feeling and why she felt it - Angry, Mad, Sad, Frustrated, Hurt, Love. And she wrote "I'm ready to be a family kid." I told her again that it is okay to have all of those feelings, and by writing them on the balloon we were showing that it's okay to have those feelings and it's okay to share them. Because if we don't share the feelings, Mom can't help. So when she was done, we took it outside, and she let it go, and we watched it fly away together.

Afterward, she seemed so content. She was loving and happy and relaxed and stress-free. We had a very enjoyable evening then. And I honestly have not enjoyed her in months. I can't remember the last time that I actually wanted to spend time with her. So it was pretty great.

This morning she was up bright and early, got dressed, socks and shoes on, finished her homework and everything before I was even out of bed. Awesome, right? Except she's only that awesome when she's hiding something. So as she was writing her Get well soon card for Grandma, I went through her plastic school bag, and found a bottle of neosporin my husband had thrown away the night before because it had just expired. I didn't make a big deal of it, and she started to get defensive, but caught herself, and went back to being happy and respectful. A little later, she was brushing her teeth before the bus came, and I was checking her for anything else, because my husband thought she was sneaking something else. I checked all of her pockets, and shoes and she thought she was in the clear, but then I shook the bottoms of her pants legs, and out came a plastic toy for her baby doll. Again, I wondered why she needed these things today, and if she was stressed or scared or feeling dysregulated. And she just stayed calm and respectful about getting caught. Normally it would be third world war if we caught her with something, but everyone stayed calm today. Patrick said it's because she is worried that we've got her number now, and she can't hide her feelings. I think it's maybe a little of that, and a little bit of worrying about Grandma having surgery. I emailed the teacher to have her let B know that Grandma was fine. She wrote back to say B had been talking about Grandma all morning, and that info made her seem quite content.

So, I don't know if last night helped B at all. I think it did, and I really hope it was a step in the right direction for her. The therapist also suggested having B right a letter from Birth Mom to her. What does she think birth mom would say? So, maybe we will give that a try on Wednesday night?

And thank you for all of the support and kind words. It makes dealing with all of this a little easier. It's so good to know that other women are going through these same things, and I have people that understand. I appreciate you all so much!

And finally, on a totally unrelated note - I found out B's Special Ed teacher got fired yesterday for hitting a kid in her classroom. It's so sad, but we are happy that we got B out of that class. She certainly didn't need to witness that - no kid does. Of course, I told my husband, B would have hauled off and hit her right back, so doubly good that she wasn't in the room.

We never have a dull moment here, that's for sure!

*(Oh, and I may have metioned this previously, but I'm keeping B's name private and last names private because they are very unique, and I don't want Birth Mom to locate us through this. The last thing we need right now is more stress from her!)