Ready or not...the holidays are here!!

Well, for starters, I got my news back from the Doctor. Sort of, anyways. I have to go in on Monday because the Dr. wants to talk to me in person. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that isn't the good news I was hoping for? So, I've spent the morning crying in my office. I'm feeling a little better now. Just nervous, and not wanting to wait until Monday. I hate having to guess what's going on. But that was all the info they would give me.

Butterfly has been all over the place. I forgot how much RAD flares up around the holidays. It's going to be especially hard for her now that there is a new baby around. My brother, sister-in-law and their 2 month old daughter are visiting for Thanskgiving. They are getting in late tonight. I can't wait to see my little niece - she's so beautiful. We have a full weekend of family, birthdays, Christmas decorating, etc. By Sunday, Butterfly will probably be a mess. We will have to try our hardest to keep her close and keep her regulated. Sometime easier said than done.

Now, I am looking towards Christmas. We are going to visit my hubby's family in Green Bay. Visits to GB have got to be the most stressful part of my life! His family isn't totally on board with me or with the whole RAD thing, which makes my life a million times harder. I hate complaining about it, but it's tough. I've been around for over 4 years now, and they still don't totally accept me as part of the family. Couple that with the fact that Butterfly lived with her grandparents for two years and called Grandma "Mom" for part of that time, and you'll understand how difficult it is for me to assert myself when I'm there. I just feel like if I say anything that goes against what they are doing, I'm a witch and I'm ruining the "family's time together", and if I don't, then I am allowing behaviors that would otherwise be unacceptable. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance these trips. Normally, I spend a lot of time at Target and the mall, but I know avoiding the situation doesn't fix anything. And, though I love my hubby dearly, he is not much help at all. He doesn't want to make waves because we don't spend a lot of time with his family because of the distance. Ahhh, I'm not ready to start worrying about all of this again!!!

My hubby is taking me to dinner tonight and to see Twilight. I 'm so excited - I loved all the books, and I have been waiting for the movie to finally come out! It will be nice to have a little break before all of the madness begins!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone - and although a lot of us are going through difficult times right now, we all certainly have so many things to be thankful for!

Relief...

I've been insanely stressed this week. I had to go to the doctor to get some tests done. The one I was most worried about and also the least expected, was a blood test for diabetes. I called the doctor yesterday, and was told that everything came back fine. what a relief! I had to stop myself from crying at work! I've been overly stressed all week, and this just lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. I'm still waiting on results from my other tests - I'm praying those results also bring good news.

I'm taking Butterfly to get pictures taken tonight. (We're bad parents - I didn't get her school pictures taken in August. I'm getting more pictures now for $5 than I would have gotten for $50 back in August!) So, we are headed to Sears tonight, and she is thrilled. We bonded last night while I trimmed her hair for the pictures. She loved going to Mom's Magnificent Beauty Salon. She was genuinely having fun. It was sweet.

This morning, we woke up late. (It's so hard to get out of bed when it's cold outside!) I didn't realize they were having Movie Day at Latchkey today, so I wasn't prepared with popcorn. Butterfly tried to stay calm while she was explaing options to her Dad of how to get popcorn. I walked into the kitchen (acted like I had it all under control), and said "Let Mommy take care of it - it's my job. I know you don't trust that I can do things for you, but let's give it a shot." Of course, I had no idea they needed popcorn today, because I didn't see the note in her folder last night. We had ten minutes before the bus came, so I got the pot out, and made some popcorn on the stove, and had it in a bag and in her hands with 2 minutes to spare. I sent her out to wait for the bus, and then realized she didn't have money for a drink. I grabbed some change, and ran it out to her while still in my robe. Luckily, I was back inside before anyone saw me. Now, I'm sure I'm going to pay for us bonding last night and for being so nice this morning, but such is my life these days.

And, I'm going shopping with my Mom tomorrow, so I will get a break! Yay for the holidays!

Game Playing

I guess it has been awhile since my last post. So much has gone on, but I can't honestly remember most of it. Time is just flying by.

Butterfly has definitely been testing my patience. Everything is an argument, she is totally ready to attack for any reason, and she is seriously stressing me out and putting my health at risk. I can't take it anymore. You tell her one thing she doesn't like, and she blows up. I assume it is because she has started doing Math with the regular second grade classroom. She is doing well, but I'm sure it is very stressful for her. She refuses to talk, and she is just downright nasty 24/7. I told her last night that I absolutely refuse to put my health at risk for her, because I won't be any good to anyone if I'm sick. So this morning, she tried her best to suck me in, but I wouldn't let her. That ticked her off big time. She wanted to start a fight over brushing her hair - normally I would make sure she did what I told her to. Today, I said that's fine and I went and sat on a chair in the living room and stared straight ahead. She stomped into the room and demanded to know what I was doing. I didn't answer, and she demanded again. When she realized I wouldn't answer her tone, she asked sweetly. I responded and told her I was just wondering why my daughter was so angry and couldn't do something so simple as brush her hair. She proceeded to yell at me to stop sitting there, but when I didn't budge and continued staring straight ahead, she stormed off to her room, found the brush, brushed her hair, then sweetly came over to me to say "Mommy, I brushed my hair." Fan-flipping-tastic. An 8y/o brushed her hair - what an accomplishment. but of course for her, I guess it was an accomplishment.

I'm just so sick of playing games with her over EVERYTHING. I dream of having a daughter that does what she's asked on occasion, and doesn't turn 99% of her life into a fight. I'm 24 for crying out loud! Sometimes I do wonder what I was thinking when I said yes to all of this. I adore my husband, but the stress is killing me. And until he is done with school and has a full time job, it is only going to be getting worse.

I really need to find some ways to relax and unwind. And to deal with her when she is raging.

Hopefully tonight will be a better night....