Yesterday, Butterfly's school had a Veteran's Day program and were asked to invite any veterans to attend. My husband, a veteran of the Air Force, went to the program. B seemed very pleased that he was there. When I picked her up from school she was completely out of sorts. Everything was an issue. She played games with her homework, and I stuck to the rules that we had come up with. She continued screaming, yelling, hitting and throwing things as I put her in her room. At that time I found out she was upset that I didn't go to the Veteran's Day program. I explained I wasn't a veteran but she said I was a veteran to her. I tried to explain what a vet is until I realized that no amount of rationalization was going to get through to her. She then said how sad she was by a song the 4th graders sang that talked about people dying and she doesn't like that. I empathized the best I could.
She kicked the dog and tried to punch him in the snout. I ended up putting up the baby gates in the doorway of her room, as I didn't want to her to hurt the dog or myself. I sat at the kitchen table and began working on a presentation for class Thursday night. Butterfly screamed at me the entire time. I wrote down what she was saying as it was so bizarre, I wanted to be sure I remembered it correctly. She said the following:
"Don't come in here or I will hurt you. I will bite you and kick you and hit you. I will kick you in the privates. You don't want me to hurt you. One time I hurt a boy named Caleb so bad that he was screaming bloody murder. And no one knew I did it but it happened in preschool. And only his parents knew I did it and they said that it better never happen again or we couldn't play together anymore. But it happened again. I hurt him again and his parents were out of town and no one knew about it. You only know because I'm telling you. And then I threw up on him and you would throw up too if I told you the rest of the story."
I just let her get it all out. And it isn't the hurting me part I find so disturbing. It was her attitude towards the dog and the story she told. I assume it was all made up. I called her grandparents who she lived with during preschool to see if they remembered a Caleb and they do not. I think she got the name from the A Safe Place for Caleb book.
I'm just at a loss. I don't know where this all came from, and don't know what to do.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Ready for a Vacation!
Oh, my. It has been a crazy couple weeks. I will try to keep it to short updates, otherwise I just know I will start to ramble.
1. After Butterfly stole the teacher's candy the week before Halloween, I thought we could move on. Hahaha. The following week she stole more candy from the school social worker, stole makeup and hairspray at home, and stole candy off her teacher's desk that apparently was hers. AHHHH. We've found some ways to deal with it at school. Fortunately, the principal isn't suspending her because she meets with our therapist and knows it isn't any help. They've been doing some other things though, that seem to be working.
2. Halloween she actually did quite well. I only allowed her one piece of candy that night, and she handled it with no breakdowns. Granted my mom had so much other food that night, I'm sure B didn't feel too deprived.
3. We met with the chiropractor on Thursday. We didn't really accomplish much that day. They took a hair sample and sent it off for an analysis. Apparently, in RAD kids they find a lot of metals in their systems which are causing issues in their brain cells. Dr. Dinkelmann has found that once this is addressed through supplements, then RAD kids show vast improvements. I'm so willing to try anything. We have our next appointment on November 30. They should have the results from the analysis at that time. I'm excited to see what they find. He also looked at her eyes and said that if there are toxins in the body you will see a black line around the eye. B has one. My mom and I were checking ourselves out in the car, but didn't notice anything... :)
4. B and I spent all day together on Saturday running errands. She actually did a great job. We went to Home Depot for the kid's workshop, and she made a trivet for Thanksgiving dinner. We also went grocery shopping, clothes shopping for me, to lunch and to the bookstore so I could get some homework done. We were trying to steer clear of the house so my husband could have some quiet to get all of his homework finished. B only had a small almost not even an issue when we got lunch at Chick-fil-a. We had never eaten there, and she thought they were cheating her on chicken nuggets because she had decided they were too small. But she got it back and check and was lovely to spend the rest of the day with. When we got home, it was time to rake leaves in the front yard. We have two huge oak trees in our front yard - they are at least 60 years old. Anyways, our entire yard was covered, and only 1/3 of the leaves have fallen already. Super. Luckily, my dad let me borrow the leaf blower, so I blew the leaves while Patrick burned them in the street, and B had a blast jumping in the gigantic piles.
5. Sunday was Patrick's birthday. We went to church, then breakfast while B was at Sunday School. Afterwards we went home to finish burning the leaves. B had a meltdown because she didn't want to help pick up sticks while we were working in the yard. I put her inside and had her rest and take a nap. I knew she had to be tired from being good the entire day on Saturday, but I also wasn't letting her ruin her dad's birthday. Later we went to a movie and out for ice cream. Then after that, to my parent's house for a birthday dinner. We all had a nice evening, and B did a good job of holding it together. She shot me a few dirty looks through dinner, but stopped after I addressed each one and explained how unnecessary and inappropriate it was. It was a nice, relaxing evening.
6. I also called my dear MIL on Friday night. She wanted suggestions for Christmas gifts for B. We decided we just mostly want them to give her money to go towards supplements for B. It turned into a 1 hour conversation where I told my MIL everything she didn't want to hear. And as always, I know she didn't hear a word of anything, but I just don't think it's fair that she lives her happy life in denial about what is wrong with her granddaughter. So she got an earful. Even my mom was surprised by some of the things I said. Anyways, she is trying really hard to think of ways that she can help Patrick and I but she just can't think of anything to do to help. She will try to remember to pray for us. Oh, and when they finally called to wish their son a happy birthday, my MIL blamed Patrick for being too stressed and causing all of B's issues and problems these last couple weeks. Happy Birthday!
7. Finally, honestly the reason we NEED to have consequences for homework is I don't know. We've tried not to have consequences, and we can't do it. Some days we do it okay, and some days seeing her not doing her work just sends us over the edge and we end up yelling which is counterproductive. So, this way we don't have to get worked up because we can just look at our rules and we all know how homework is supposed to go. It actually has taken a lot of the stress off for all of us. As always, I have no idea how long it will last, but I'll enjoy it for as long as it does!!
1. After Butterfly stole the teacher's candy the week before Halloween, I thought we could move on. Hahaha. The following week she stole more candy from the school social worker, stole makeup and hairspray at home, and stole candy off her teacher's desk that apparently was hers. AHHHH. We've found some ways to deal with it at school. Fortunately, the principal isn't suspending her because she meets with our therapist and knows it isn't any help. They've been doing some other things though, that seem to be working.
2. Halloween she actually did quite well. I only allowed her one piece of candy that night, and she handled it with no breakdowns. Granted my mom had so much other food that night, I'm sure B didn't feel too deprived.
3. We met with the chiropractor on Thursday. We didn't really accomplish much that day. They took a hair sample and sent it off for an analysis. Apparently, in RAD kids they find a lot of metals in their systems which are causing issues in their brain cells. Dr. Dinkelmann has found that once this is addressed through supplements, then RAD kids show vast improvements. I'm so willing to try anything. We have our next appointment on November 30. They should have the results from the analysis at that time. I'm excited to see what they find. He also looked at her eyes and said that if there are toxins in the body you will see a black line around the eye. B has one. My mom and I were checking ourselves out in the car, but didn't notice anything... :)
4. B and I spent all day together on Saturday running errands. She actually did a great job. We went to Home Depot for the kid's workshop, and she made a trivet for Thanksgiving dinner. We also went grocery shopping, clothes shopping for me, to lunch and to the bookstore so I could get some homework done. We were trying to steer clear of the house so my husband could have some quiet to get all of his homework finished. B only had a small almost not even an issue when we got lunch at Chick-fil-a. We had never eaten there, and she thought they were cheating her on chicken nuggets because she had decided they were too small. But she got it back and check and was lovely to spend the rest of the day with. When we got home, it was time to rake leaves in the front yard. We have two huge oak trees in our front yard - they are at least 60 years old. Anyways, our entire yard was covered, and only 1/3 of the leaves have fallen already. Super. Luckily, my dad let me borrow the leaf blower, so I blew the leaves while Patrick burned them in the street, and B had a blast jumping in the gigantic piles.
5. Sunday was Patrick's birthday. We went to church, then breakfast while B was at Sunday School. Afterwards we went home to finish burning the leaves. B had a meltdown because she didn't want to help pick up sticks while we were working in the yard. I put her inside and had her rest and take a nap. I knew she had to be tired from being good the entire day on Saturday, but I also wasn't letting her ruin her dad's birthday. Later we went to a movie and out for ice cream. Then after that, to my parent's house for a birthday dinner. We all had a nice evening, and B did a good job of holding it together. She shot me a few dirty looks through dinner, but stopped after I addressed each one and explained how unnecessary and inappropriate it was. It was a nice, relaxing evening.
6. I also called my dear MIL on Friday night. She wanted suggestions for Christmas gifts for B. We decided we just mostly want them to give her money to go towards supplements for B. It turned into a 1 hour conversation where I told my MIL everything she didn't want to hear. And as always, I know she didn't hear a word of anything, but I just don't think it's fair that she lives her happy life in denial about what is wrong with her granddaughter. So she got an earful. Even my mom was surprised by some of the things I said. Anyways, she is trying really hard to think of ways that she can help Patrick and I but she just can't think of anything to do to help. She will try to remember to pray for us. Oh, and when they finally called to wish their son a happy birthday, my MIL blamed Patrick for being too stressed and causing all of B's issues and problems these last couple weeks. Happy Birthday!
7. Finally, honestly the reason we NEED to have consequences for homework is I don't know. We've tried not to have consequences, and we can't do it. Some days we do it okay, and some days seeing her not doing her work just sends us over the edge and we end up yelling which is counterproductive. So, this way we don't have to get worked up because we can just look at our rules and we all know how homework is supposed to go. It actually has taken a lot of the stress off for all of us. As always, I have no idea how long it will last, but I'll enjoy it for as long as it does!!
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