What does your RAD kid's room look like?

My favorite RADical couldn't keep her room clean if her life depended on it. I'm sure most kids can't. But I'm quite certain we have spent weeks of our lives trying to figure out the easiest way to keep it semi-organized and less daunting. And I'm sure you can all relate to the tantrums thrown when she doesn't want to clean her room, even if you offer to assist.

I have put every toy into separate rubbermaid containers and put them out of her reach. Or so I thought. She still got to them and demolished her room - and the boxes. (Somehow, they all got cracked.)

I bought a storage organizer, like the one above, and labeled every bin. I even went through and cleaned her room myself, throwing away every useless toy and piece of trash, and separated the bins myself.

Oh, and clothes are another issue. She tries to argue EVERY day about what she is wearing, even if we laid out an outfit together the night before. I have even gone as far as taking away all of her clothes and putting them in the basement. But she would still sneak down and take things, and sneak them under another outfit.

So, I'm curious if anyone does anything special to keep their kids' rooms in some kind of order. I have off of work all next week with my little darling, and I want to get this mess taken care of. I personally am considering getting rid of half of her toys, but she already has a fraction of what every other child I know has. Of course, she is always bored no matter what. So really what does it matter? I also was thinking of putting all the clothes back in the basement, and letting her pick out a week's worth of outfits on Sunday, then hanging them in her closet with Day of the Week tabs on them. Also, she would officially be banned from our basement unless with an adult. (there really isn't anything down there for her anyways.)

I don't know, but I'm at my wits end. There is garbage everywhere, and an odd odor in her room. I'm totally grossed out, and really would be forever grateful for any suggestions!!

Thanks!

Did I mention I hate May?

I strongly dislike three day weekends. I have never been happier to go back to work! Butterfly does not handle the lack of scheduling well, add to it that we had a houseguest and no friends were home, and you have one RAD-filled weekend!

My brother-in-law, Mike, came down late Friday night. Let me preface by saying, he can be a lot of fun, but is kind of condescending and totally rude and inconsiderate. Obviously, not a favorite to have stay in my home. But I knew Patrick was excited to have his brother in town, so I put on a happy face. On Saturday, Patrick, Mike, and Dan (Patrick’s good friend from the Air Force), went golfing. Butterfly and I ran errands and then I took her to lunch and to see Night at the Museum 2. My mistake – I paid for it the rest of the day. I keep hoping that one day she will just accept something nice being done for her without all the drama – so naïve. (Side Note – Am I the only person whose child does not actually sit back and enjoy the movie, but instead tries to recreate everything she sees? I would look around the theatre, and see kids relaxed, eating their popcorn, and watching the film, but mine was at the edge of her seat trying to mimic EVERYTHING. There was a scene where two monkeys were taking turns hitting Ben Stiller – my little B sat in her seat and hit herself repeatedly. We got some great looks for that!)

Anyways, that evening I put my entertainer hat on and made dinner for the boys, and Dan’s girlfriend and her friend. At the same time I also had to prepare for a BBQ on Sunday for my Mom’s birthday. I almost lost it – I was doing all the cooking and also entertaining an eight year old while everyone else sat and chatted! I’m pretty sure my head almost blew off. But we survived (barely).

Sunday was a mess. I had two grown men sacked out in front of the television, a huge boxer chasing after my 10 week old puppy, a child with no entertainment, a messy house, food to cook and errands to run. I was crabby. And when I asked my dear hubby to clean the kitchen while I was gone, Mike shot me a death stare, like “How dare you take away my video game buddy?!” Because he firmly believes cleaning is only a woman’s job. (I know, you’re probably just as shocked as I am that he is single.) Anyways, I got home at 1:15, my parents were coming at 2:30, which I assumed would give me plenty of time to get everything together. As I was getting the pork steaks ready, I looked at my wedding ring, and almost died – my diamond was GONE. I was so overwhelmed – I had been 20 different places that day – good luck finding it! Luckily, we had all our paperwork, and Patrick took it to the jeweler, and they are having it sent out to be replaced. But I’m still devastated. The real kicker was that they just sent it out a month ago to have the prongs tightened, because they had noticed it was loose. Awesome. Add in my RAD girl that thinks constant commentary is helpful, and it was a bumpy afternoon at best.

Anyways, the rest of the evening went without incident. Well, except for my little Swiper, who has been stealing every night since Friday. So, she was getting in my face, and I wasn’t giving it back to her and she was MAD. So, after I turned her light off and said goodnight, I said turn the light back on and see what happens. I went and sat on the patio with everyone else, and she turns the light on. I’m sure she was hoping I would scream and yell, but instead I said Wow, you really must need me right now. So I plopped down in her bed and started talking as calmly as I could. At first, she hated having me so close. But she slowly moved closer, and told me more and more. About how she was in her birthmom’s belly, and wanted her to love her, but when she came out she found out birth mom couldn’t take care of her, and she had to get away from her and now she’s sad. And she is going to stay angry with her and yell mean things at her, and God will hear them, and tell birth mom what she said. And she wants to be normal but it is too hard and she is too angry, and there is nothing anyone can do to help her. Poor, poor girl.

And Monday, Mike left (while I was in the shower – no thank you, no goodbye), and we now have one radilicious little girl. Today is field day, and because of work appointments, I can’t go. So, naturally, everyone hates her, she is alone, she will die and on and on. And last night I was also informed that I am ruining her life because I took her away from NaeNae and Papa, it is all my fault for ruining her happy life, I am ruining her relationship with them because she never sees or talks to them, and on and on. All I could do is apologize that she felt that way and walk away. I don’t know what else to say. I honestly don’t know how she lives with me – I am so horrible.

No more in-laws until July 18. B will be spending an entire week with them again this year. Isn’t that fantastic? :)

Surviving May

May has got to be the worst month possible for my family. Followed closely by June. Mother's Day, then one week later my birthday, then one week later my Mom's birthday. And those are only the big ones - there are about five other birthdays/anniversaries thrown in there. Oh, and don't forget school ending. May has always been hard enough, but my little RADical makes it ten times worse.

Friday, Butterfly's school put on their second grade music show. B was all kinds of dysregulated - everything was about Daddy - Daddy did you see me sing? Daddy did I sound pretty? Daddy did you see me wave? Daddy I love you. Daddy, I'm so happy you came to my show. Daddy, I sang just for you. Daddy, was I great? Daddy...Daddy...Daddy...AHHH!

She then spent the night at my parents, and Patrick and I went to dinner and to see Angels and Demons for my birthday. The next day, B went to the zoo with her Girl Scouts and we went hiking then to lunch. We came home to hear that B told one of the other girls that she was going to kick her butt - fantastic. So, it was nap time and then I left for dinner with my good friend, Lisa. Friday and Saturday were great. Sunday, my actual birthday, not so much. But at least I expected it and made sure to have plenty of other things planned for my weekend to make the obvious less frustrating.

Sunday, B decided to make a present for Daddy of course. He reminded her it was Mom's birthday so she wrote Happy Bir on a card that she left on the table. We went to Panera for breakfast then to Barnes and Noble - she was all kinds of dysregulated. It was fantastic. We came home to do some things around the house, then went out and got some things to spruce up the back patio. She was at her RAD best. I acknowledged it on a few occasions but she never changed her tune. We then went to my parents house for dinner, which was lovely.

There were no huge blow ups - just a constant flow of irritating RAD that couldn't be stopped. It was easier to deal with though, since I had already done so many fun things that weekend. And it was the perfect reminder that I was correct in not including her too many birthday-related activities. It's too much for her, and she could care less.

So, on Sunday, we tackle my Mom's birthday. My bro-in-law will be in town, so we are just going to have my parents over for a BBQ on Sunday. I think she'll do okay, after all, she has to put a show on for her uncle so he doesn't know she's a RAD kid.

And then, once we get through the drama of May, we have Father's Day and my Dad's birthday. Yippee. Father's Day last year, we got bright blue paint dumped over our white kitchen cabinets. I'm excited to see what is in store this year!

Updates

1. We survived Mother's Day! Friday night we had our Mother's Day celebration for myself and biomom. It went well - we took a family walk, ate a yummy spaghetti dinner, and enjoyed one another's company. After dinner, I gave Butterfly the option of writing a letter or making a card for biomom. She chose to make a card. She went to work drawing a picture on the front. It was the rainiest day I had ever seen in a picture. The picture consisted of grass, clouds, and rain, rain, rain. Hmmm... We then took two balloons, wrote her feelings for biomom on one, then rewrote the short note she wrote inside the card on the other. She took them outside and let them go. Always her favorite part. Then we went inside, and had cake and sparkling grape juice. She gave me a couple presents, and I have her a small Little Mermaid picture frame with a picture of us in it, to help her get through the weekend without me. All in all, success.

2. My husband and B picked me up from the airport Sunday night - she was quite the little treat. But it was to be expected. My trip was great - my little niece is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. She learned how to wave while we there - exciting!

3. Last night she was in full RAD mode. It was great - I'll spare details but it ended with her yelling that she didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the night. Of course, I still had things I needed to tell her - take a shower, eat dinner, etc. So, I grabbed a dry-erase board and used that as my only form of communication for the evening. It was great. I didn't get worked up, and you can't hear sarcasm through a dry-erase board. And she had to calm herself down to read what I was writing, and really think about what was being said. It calmed her down and the rest of the evening was fine. I will be keeping my dry erase board close by from now on.

4. My fabulous principal that told me she knows everything about RAD and refused to bring my therapist in to the school has now decided to call our therapist for her kids. AWESOME. Great that she's talking to Shirley, but I'm still a little irked that she's using my therapist that she didn't need to hear from two months ago.

5. I just found out I'm having more visitors - my hubby's brother and his dog are coming down for Memorial Day weekend. Awesome. Almost as great as my mother-in-law. Can I just tell you how frustrating it is that my dear husband is the great event planner when other people are in town - golfing, Cardinals baseball game, cookouts, etc. And I planned my Mother's Day celebration and my birthday is Sunday, and it's looking like we're doing a big fat nothing for it. So, I guess I will plan my birthday, too.

Oh, I just got off the phone with my mom - she found a website that talks about how they've now divided RAD into four different types? I haven't heard this. She also found somewhere that they said RAD isn't a disorder, it's more of just a personality some kids are born with. Seriously?! I couldn't believe that. My mom finds the strangest things when she is awake at 3am!

We did it!

Well, we survived my MILs visit. She did her best to avoid me all weekend, and I think the only time we talked was Thursday while I was making dinner, because we were home by ourselves. She brought Patrick and I a book to read - How Full is Your Bucket? It's all about using positive reinforcement with people in your life. She really thinks it will help us deal with Ruya if we just use positive reinforcement. :) No comment. Anyways, from reading the book jacket, I assume she was using the lessons she learned from this book in her dealings with me. I can't wait to read more and find out. She chatted with Patrick and he told her to talk to me more about Ruya and RAD because I knew the most about it. She never brought it up, and I gave her plenty of openings to talk things through. If she doesn't want to know, I'm not going to waste my time going through it with her. So, it was a fine weekend. B of course had explosions after NaeNae left, which have been fantastic, and I'm sure Mother's Day right around the corner doesn't help things.

B did a great job of manipulating Nae Nae and Nae Nae did a great job of manipulating Patrick. I got to sit back and watch, and laugh on the inside about the dysfunction in that family. Because as much as Nae Nae says she doesn't get manipulated by B, she falls for it every time. And as much as Patrick says his mom doesn't manipulate him, he also falls for it every time. So what can I do, except be happy that I figured B and NaeNae out sooner rather than later.

But I'm glad things went smoothly. Although, I am disappointed that my MIL and I didn't get to talk about anything deeper than my cooking and the weather. It seemed like a great opportunity to really get somethings worked out. But then I have to stop and remind myself that just because that is what I want it doesn't mean that is what she wants. And she wants to stay in her fantasy land where everything is super great.

Anyways, I'm glad it's behind us. Now we have to tackle Mother's Day. I actually will not be at home with Patrick and B on Sunday. I will be in Milwaukee with my family. I don't know if that will be easier or harder for B, but it is what it is. I'm thinking about having a Mother's Day "celebration" for her birthmom on Thursday night. I'm going to email the therapist for her opinion.

Oh, Sunday after MIL left, B went to play with her friends. She came home after peeing in her pants. Fantastic. That is the second time in 6 weeks. And she is totally not embarrassed or worried about it. I'm assuming it's because she is dysregulated? I don't know.

Well, I hope everyone's homes are relatively calm considering the most horrible day of the year is fast approaching! :)

Happy Cinco de Mayo!